I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
