Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
