every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
They have beer where we have blood.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize