I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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