I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
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