Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
