nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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