we have officially lost it.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
