I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
