I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
