I cannot find my penis.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Floor bacon is actually really good
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
