Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
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