All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
handjob tips. give me some.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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