Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
