Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize