I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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