what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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