I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
