Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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