Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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