I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
