i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
