My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
