Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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