Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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