just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
porn star boner night. come get it.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Randomize
