you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
