Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
