going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
