chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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