I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
