I'm gonna have a badass scar
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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