You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
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Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
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I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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