Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
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