I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
