apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
