I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
He has the fingertips of a God
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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