Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
