I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
