Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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