Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
