Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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