If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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