We're like a lot better than the average bears
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
