I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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