I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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