Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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