I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
