laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
