He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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