I'm eating all of the evidence.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
