apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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