I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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