I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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