don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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