I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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