My brain says no but my pants say off.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Randomize
