I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
