So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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