1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
