Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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