I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
