butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
We need to get me chipped asap
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
