Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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