you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
