as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
