there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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