there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
