My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I need a beard to bite.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
