So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
