3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
