dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
