Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
