DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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