i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
pop tarts are not kleenex
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
