Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
