Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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