I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
