I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
