So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
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He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
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I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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