I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
