K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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