Ketchup is God's man juice
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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