When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
