last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
