would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
